Uniting Pride has visited dozens of schools throughout the county and beyond, and from the conversations we’ve had with students and teachers, we know that bullying is a major problem for LGBTQ+ students in our area. We’ve heard students express that, even when there are supportive adults around them, they often don’t feel that it’s worth it to report incidents of bullying because they don’t trust school administration to enforce anti-bullying rules. The most effective way to stop this cycle is through education. Uniting Pride offers free LGBTQ+ education sessions for students and school staff, and if you believe that your school would benefit from this kind of training, please reach out to us.

How to Be an Ally: General Resources

​It’s wonderful that you want to be an ally to the LGBTQ+ people in your life! Allies help to make the world a safer place for everyone. Scroll down to see more resources, but keep these four tenets of allyship in mind:

1. Allyship requires action. Being an ally isn’t just about believing that LGBTQ+ people should be able to live safe, fulfilling lives; it’s about acting on those beliefs. This means learning to use trans people’s pronouns correctly, vocally standing up for LGBTQ+ people in your daily life, and supporting legislation and social change that respects LGBTQ+ dignity. LGBTQ+ people should be able to recognize you as an ally by your actions; this is how you can materially improve life for this community.
2. Allyship is intersectional. The LGBTQ+ community is a diverse one. Supporting LGBTQ+ people means supporting people of color, disabled people, people from cultures outside your own, people who speak different languages, people of all shapes and sizes, people of all ages, and people whose religious and political beliefs are different from yours. You may disagree on a fundamental level with some LGBTQ+ people on subjects that matter to you. Being an ally means recognizing that the rights and acceptance that LGBTQ+ people are fighting for go beyond those differences. These are human rights.
3. Allyship is educated. To be a good ally, it’s important to have up-to-date info about the state of the LGBTQ+ community. This means following the news and knowing about the laws that affect LGBTQ+ people in your area. It means knowing which terms are hurtful and which are affirming. If you’re a doctor, it can mean reading recent studies about medical transition. Staying educated also means being aware of the LGBTQ+ people in your life: Are their basic needs provided for? Are you using the right name and pronouns?
4. Allyship is a responsibility. When someone who presents themself as an ally doesn’t live up to these standards and lets down an LGBTQ+ person who trusted them, it may not only impact the relationship between the two; it can also make the LGBTQ+ person less likely to reach out for help and support in other areas of their life, fearing similar disappointment. For this reason, it’s important that allies embrace their privilege and do their best to support LGBTQ+ people whenever they’re given the opportunity.

General Resources for Allies:

• UP provides trainings for local schools, medical facilities, companies, churches, and other community organizations. If you think a group that you belong to would benefit from a training (most do, as we’ve found), click the link to reach out to us.
• Supporting and Caring for Our Gender Diverse Youth: Lessons from the Human Rights Campaign’s Youth Survey (This report gives a useful overview of the challenges that young gender-diverse people face, although UP notes that confusing language in the initial survey questions may have excluded some binary trans youth from the study, and the results may therefore not be representative of the entire intended population.)
• Resilience and Transgender Youth from the CDC
• When LGBT Older Adults Come Out by SAGE
• Caregiving in the LGBT Community by SAGE
• Book recommendations for LGBTQ+ youth from GLSEN (useful for stocking your bookshelves!)
• Allyship advice for people of faith from PFLAG

Resources on Pronouns:
In elementary school, we’re taught about the different parts of speech: nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. Pronouns are another part of speech, and personal pronouns — words that are used in place of a person’s name — are what we’re discussing in this section.

• Personal pronouns are often a part of gender expression. They provide a way for others to affirm someone’s gender in casual speech. For example, many women use the pronoun “she”, and if you were to refer to one of these women as “he”, it might be taken as an insult. This is just as true for transgender people as it is for cisgender people (those who identify with the gender assigned to them at birth).
• People may ask you to use pronouns for them that you aren’t familiar with. Some common alternatives to he/him and she/her pronouns are they/them, it/its, and ze/hir. You can learn more about these pronoun sets by clicking the links. You’re also welcome to reach out to us at [email protected], and we can connect you with more information about other sets. However, it is always polite to ask someone how to use their pronouns if you aren’t sure.
• People may ask you to use more than one set of pronouns for them. For example: Hello, my name is Monty, and I use he/they pronouns. This means that you could say “He went to the store” or “They went to the store” — both would be correct. I like it when people mix both into conversations, but some people who use more than one pronoun prefer that people pick one and use it consistently in a conversation, or they may not have a strong preference at all. If you’re not sure, it’s always polite to ask.
• Although many trans and nonbinary people change their pronouns, not everyone who changes their pronouns identifies as transgender or nonbinary. Think of it like wearing the color pink — pink is associated with women and femininity, but wearing pink doesn’t necessarily make you a woman. Anyone can use whatever pronouns make them happy — and that includes you.
• Even if it seems challenging at first, no matter your age and background, you can learn to use people’s pronouns correctly. Try this online practice tool or reach out to [email protected] for more help. When practicing, we recommend picturing the person in your mind or looking at a photo of them. This helps strengthen the association between the person’s appearance and their pronouns.
• If you make a mistake and catch it yourself, quickly apologize and move on with the correct language. Mistakes are a natural part of learning, and the most important thing is change your speech going forwards.
• If you make a mistake and someone else points it out to you, thank the person, quickly apologize to the person you used the wrong pronouns for, and move on with the correct language. A correction like this should be taken as a compliment, because it shows that the person trusts you, respects you, and knows that you want to use the right language.
• A great way to show solidarity is to share your own pronouns. You can do this when you meet someone, in your email signature, or on a business card. Normalizing these practices as an ally helps keep LGBTQ+ people safe, as it breaks down the assumption that all people who share their pronouns are LGBTQ+.

Youth Rights at School

Title IX is a federal law that makes sex discrimination illegal in most schools. Most courts who have looked at the issue have said that this includes discrimination against someone because they are transgender or because they don’t meet gender-related stereotypes or expectations, as well as discrimination based on sexual orientation. Several other federal and state laws also protect transgender students. Here are some of the rights that LGBTQ+ students have under these laws:

• Students, faculty, and staff have the right to be treated according to their gender identity. This is true even if they haven’t legally changed their name or received transition-related medical treatment. Schools cannot require anyone to show proof of these things in order to have their gender respected.
• Students, faculty, and staff have the right to be called by the name and pronouns that match their gender identity. Sometimes people make an honest mistake, but students, faculty, and staff aren’t allowed to call one another by the wrong name or pronouns on purpose after being told how they want to be referred to.
• Students, faculty, and staff have the right not to be bullied or harassed because of their gender identity, gender expression, or sexual orientation. If school administrators know that a student is being bullied or harassed on this basis, they are legally required to take action to end it.
• Students, faculty, and staff have the right to use restrooms and locker rooms that match their gender identity, and they can’t be forced to use separate facilities. If a student feels safer or more comfortable using a private space, or if they’d like to use a separate space for a short period of time, they can request that, but a school can’t force or pressure someone into using a separate restroom or locker room if they don’t want to.
• LGBTQ+ students have the right to get the same opportunities to learn and participate in school life as anyone else, no matter their gender identity, gender expression, sexual orientation, race, nationality, or disability. This includes not being punished for being transgender or gender non-conforming and being allowed to participate in school activities and events.
• Students, faculty, and staff have the right to dress and present themselves according to their gender identity. This includes how they dress at school every day as well as for dances, graduation, and other school events. They need to follow general dress code rules that apply to all students and staff, but schools have to allow people to follow those rules in a way that matches their gender identity.
• Students have the right to protect their privacy and choose who to tell or not tell about being transgender. If they want to keep that information private, schools must make sure that things like transgender status, former names, or medical history are kept as confidential as possible.
• Students have the right to join or start an LGBT student club like a GSA or Pride Alliance. Schools are not allowed to ban LGBT student groups or treat those groups differently than other student groups. If your school doesn’t have a club like this, you can learn how to start one here.

To find out more about the rights of LGBTQ+ and questioning students, check out the following organizations:

• ACLU (nonprofit with a long history of fighting for civil liberties in the U.S.)
• National Center for Transgender Equality (nonprofit that advocates to change policies and society to increase understanding and acceptance of transgender people)
• GLAD (nonprofit that fights for the rights of LGBTQ people and those living with HIV)
• TYEF (nonprofit that that advocates for transgender, gender non-conforming, and intersex youth)
• Lambda Legal (nonprofit that fights for the civil rights of lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, transgender people, and people living with HIV)
• U.S. Department of Education (click the link to read about the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act)

Understanding Student Experiences

It’s difficult to support your LGBTQ+ students when you don’t know what kinds of challenges they’re facing. The resources below are from GLSEN, a non-profit organization founded by teachers that seeks to create safer schools for LGBTQ+ students, and they’re a good source for beginning to understand the issues in our schools.

• School Climate for LGBTQ Students in Illinois (scroll down and click on Illinois)
• The experiences of Black LGBTQ students
• The experiences of Asian American and Pacific Islander LGBTQ students
• The experiences of Latinx LGBTQ students
• The experiences of Native and Indigenous LGBTQ students

Creating a Safe Learning Environment

​It’s wonderful that you want to create a safe learning environment for your students! Many teachers start by putting up a rainbow flag in their classroom or a rainbow sticker on their door. These are great visual signals, but it’s important to follow through on what these signals mean to students. Students expect teachers who use these symbols to behave as allies. For more information about allyship, check the “How to Be an Ally” section above. We highly recommend reading both that section and this one.

Asking for Names and Pronouns:
One of the best ways to be an ally to transgender people is to share your pronouns whenever you meet new people. This practice can also be adapted for schools. When you introduce yourself on the first day of class, consider sharing your pronouns as well. If your name is written somewhere in the classroom, consider writing your pronouns beside it.
You can ask your students to share the names and pronouns that they feel most comfortable with as well. It’s best to do this as a quick handout so that students’ answers remain private by default. You can view a sample handout from GLSEN here. It’s important to emphasize that students are not required to share a name that’s different from the one in the school system or their pronouns. There are many valid reasons why students may not wish to share this information. For example, they may still be questioning their gender identity, or they may prefer that you not use pronouns for them at all.

Starting a GSA:
A GSA (Gender & Sexuality Alliance) is an important space for young LGBTQ+ and questioning people to gather safely at school. Like any other club, GSAs give students a chance to build community and gain leadership experience. Even if a student isn’t able to attend, just knowing that their school has a GSA can be a source of hope and strength. If your school doesn’t have one, consider helping your students start one. You can learn all about how to do this with resources from GLSEN, and you can register your GSA with the GSA Network here.

School Allyship Resources:

• Cultivating Respect: Safe Schools for All by PFLAG
• Safe Space Kit by GLSEN
• Creating Safer Spaces for LGBTQ Youth by Advocates for Youth
• Elementary School Toolkit by GLSEN
• Guide to Being an Ally to Transgender and Nonbinary Youth by the Trevor Project
• Supporting Your Non-Binary Students with Pronoun Changes by My Kid is Gay
• Schools In Transition: A Guide for Supporting Transgender Students in K-12 Schools by the National Center for Lesbian Rights, Gender Spectrum, Human Rights Campaign, ACLU, and the National Education Association
• Supporting Transgender, Nonbinary, and Gender Nonconforming Students by the Illinois State Board of Education
• What Does It Mean To Be Nonbinary? by Innerbody 
• Supporting LGBTQ Youth by the CDC
• Supporting LGBTQ+ Youth by the National Education Association
• Supporting LGBTQ+ Youth by NEA EdJustice
• Resources for schools by Youth.gov
• Gender and sexual identity resources from Learning for Justice
• How to Support Students During the Day of Silence by My Kid is Gay
• How to Handle Parental Censorship of LGBTQ Books by My Kid is Gay

What to Do When a Student Comes Out

When you communicate to students that you are working to be an ally, some students will take this as a sign that you are a safe adult to come out to. Young people instinctively seek out affirmation from adults in their lives that they trust, and studies show that having just one supportive adult in their life can significantly reduce the odds of a young person attempting suicide. Nonetheless, it’s normal to be nervous about these conversations; talking about gender or sexuality with a student can be awkward, and you may worry about saying the wrong thing. This is why it’s important to prepare for these interactions in advance — preparation will help you reduce that feeling of anxiety, and it will help you respond in a way that materially contributes to the wellbeing of your student.
If a student has already come out to you and you were left feeling unsure about how the conversation went, it’s not too late to ensure that your student feels supported. Read the steps below, arrange a time to speak with them privately again, and go over any points that you missed.

Steps for When a Student Comes Out:

• First of all, know that coming out to parents can have far-reaching consequences for a young person; unsupportive parents may punish their child for coming out by limiting who they can spend time with or by taking away certain privileges. Beyond this, the trauma of coming out to an unsupportive parent can have far-reaching implications in a child’s wellbeing. Young LGBTQ+ people tend to feel these risks very acutely. Coming out to a teacher, by comparison, can feel much less risky, and therefore like a safer way for them to get the adult affirmation that they need. For this reason, you may be the first adult that your student has come out to. They may be extremely nervous, and may still be workshopping the language that allows them to express their feelings to others. Be patient as they speak, and use active listening behaviors to encourage them to say what they want to say.
• Even if your student has only expressed that they’re questioning their identity, your first reaction should be to acknowledge that this kind of self-discovery and reflection is hard work, keeping in mind that this is a journey that began long before your conversation. For example: “It’s great that you were able to find this out about yourself. Thank you for trusting me enough to share this with me.”
• Be familiar with your school’s student confidentiality policy. Assure your student that you will not share this personal information with anyone unless they explicitly ask you to.
• Ask the student if they would like you to provide them with additional resources. They may not need any, but if they say yes, you can direct them to your school’s GSA, any counseling services your school may provide (only if you feel confident that the counselor is LGBTQ+-affirming), as well as to Uniting Pride resources. We provide social and support groups for two different youth age ranges, and our youth resource page is a good place for them to find more information.
• LGBTQ+ students are at a high risk of experiencing bullying. (For more information, read the section called Understanding Student Experiences.) Remind your student that if they experience bullying, they can come to you for help. Be ready to enforce your school’s anti-bulling rules, including enforcing consequences for students engaging in bullying. ONLY offer this support if you are confident that you can act on it when called to.
• If your student comes out to you with a new name, ask what contexts you may use this name in. Is it alright to use this name in the classroom, with other teachers, or with the student’s caretakers? If it’s alright to use the name at school but not with caretakers, make a plan with school administration to ensure that the name is used only when appropriate. Be sure to ask the student for explicit permission to have this conversation.
• If your student comes out to you with new pronouns, ask the same questions about when it’s appropriate for them to be used. Additionally, if you’re not sure how to use a student’s pronouns, ask. You can find more resources related to pronouns (including what to do if you make a mistake) in the section titled How to Be an Ally.
• Take a moment to consider which resources and safeguards your school has in place for LGBTQ+ students, and which it lacks. Does your school have a GSA, an affirming counselor, and does it enforce anti-bullying rules? Would your school benefit from an UP training, either for staff or students? You may want to start advocating for changes at your school, or you may just want more information. Either way, you’re welcome to reach out to [email protected] for support.
• Have a second private conversation with your student. This will reinforce that your support for them is ongoing. If you’ve had conversations with other staff members about name or pronoun changes, use this as an opportunity to update the student. If you have a follow-up question, ask. If you shared resources with the student, ask if they seem helpful, and if there’s anything more you can do. If you learned more about relevant school policies, you can share them now. If your school doesn’t have a GSA, ask if they want help starting one. You can also check in with the student’s overall wellbeing. If you believe the student may be in crisis, take steps according to your school’s policy.

These guidelines are adapted from “When A Student Comes Out to You...Today or Any Day!” by GLSEN.

Learning Materials

• The Many Elements of Comprehensive Sexuality
• Trans and Intersex Solidarity Kit  by National Center for Transgender Equality
• Coming out handout
• Healthy relationships handout
• Gender Unicorn template
• LGBTQ+ Fiction Database

This resource collection is a living document. If you find that any of these resources are outdated, or if you know of an additional resource that may benefit this collection, please reach out to [email protected].